i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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