Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
