Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
