would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
