Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
