1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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