Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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