So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize