Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
