To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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