Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
