i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
