Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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