Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
