okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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