Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
