im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will be naked everywhere
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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