holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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