I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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