I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
