Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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