I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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