ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
