normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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