I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
