I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I looked at my own cervix.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
