Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize