so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
