I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
