I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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