You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
