im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize