I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
