D3 body, D1 cock
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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