Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
