there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
