I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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