the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
