i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
