I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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