our cab driver is having phone sex.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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