you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I love you.
Bad choice
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