one two three fourrrrnication!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
