And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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