So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize