Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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