Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
