the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
