If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
