Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
