I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need moral support for this bender
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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