He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
