eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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