Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
