escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
