Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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