wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
