nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
