he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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