i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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