when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Say something about gay babies.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
