She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
