She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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