I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
